blackmail by ex

please advise me on what to do. I had an 11-year extramarital affair which I ended roughly 2 years ago. The guy used to be a former officemate and he and my husband know each other. We had an affair because at the start I was having problems grappling with my husband's weakness of character. I felt he was more like my eldest child rather than a partner because I shouldered most of his financial responsibilities to the family.

This ex-lover of mine portrayed himself to be a very responsible family man and someone who is strong-willed, driven, and has a take-charge attitude. He was the one who boosted my morale then when I was falling out of love with my husband who I viewed then as irresponsible and weak.

our affair was very low-key and discreet. However I was always seized by guilt, because despite my hubby's apparent weakness of character, he was very loving towards me and our kids. Several times I made attempts to break off with the other guy but everytime I did, he would flare up and threaten to reveal our relationship. He would viciously attack me through text messages and threaten to leave my handwritten messages around the office for all the world to see. He would only calm down when I agree to meet with him to talk it out. And invariably these "talks" would end up in private rooms where we'd end up in bed again, and so it went for some 11 years. A cycle of peace-hate-peace. The peace being that he would only give me peace if I stayed in the relationship with him.

Two years ago, I decided to stop altogether. Of course he got very angry again, saying the most abusive languages to me, always threatening to reveal our relationship. It got to the point that he emailed me my pictures which he took while we were in a private room. He threatened to send them to my hubby's email address. He is threatening to post them in Facebook.

The only thing that will make him stop is if I go out with him again. But I am decided now to mend my ways and never go back to this adulterous relationship. What do I do to stop him, without revealing my big sin to my husband, and without revealing it my ex-lover's wife as well. I just want to quietly straighten my life, without scandalizing anyone and hurting many people along the way.

very tricky problem.

may i ask what is presented in these photos? are they explicit? were they taken with your knowledge? it may be considered a violation of the anti-voyeurism law.

his threats are arguably psychological violence under ra 9262. what you have against him is the threat of litigation. if for example, he got a letter or a talk from a lawyer, would this make him rethink this or push him to make good his threat?

as long as you are afraid of what he might do, he will have the power over you. the only way to neutralize that is to reveal what happened to your husband. by doing so, you can do it under your own terms. of course, that's easy for me to say.

the pics he sent me were backview shots of myself from the neck down to the butt. But there was one which had my face down to a bit below the neck, with shoulder exposed. They were taken with my knowledge but he was full of promises back then it will only be for his own, never to be shown to anyone. I did not know he took a photo of my face. I thought all were just backview shots. It was only when he sent me a photo in the email that I saw he captured my face as well.

Maybe a letter or talk from a lawyer would unnerved him, but how to send him a letter or summon him without his wife or officemates knowing is the tricky part. What I do have is his email address. Could a lawyer send him a summon through email?

yes, i have sent demand letters via email also. i recommend you first compile all your evidence and have it assessed if you have enough to back the threat.

Good pm atty and nini..

My friend has the same situation in about 3 years now.
This girl is scared that she might lose her job and professional license if she would file a case thus making revealing the forbidden relationship.

Does she have any option?
Thanks very much!

same answer as above.

Salamat po sa sagot pero ang gusto ko po sanang malaman muna bago siya magfile ng case o mag gather ng evidence eh posible po bang di mailantad yung case in public? Lalot girl siya at working sa govt. at may 2 anak, matagal na kasi talaga nyang gustong hiwalayan yung lalaki kaso lagi siyang tinatakot na mag eeskandalo sa work at sa family ng girl.

Thanks!

if she files a case, it will definitely become public that she did so. though not everyone will be allowed to look at the records.

No choice po pala talaga siya either harapin ang kahihiyan para makawala sa pagfile ng kaso or magtiis at manahimik tsk tsk..

Salamat po atty.