Parental Authority and Child Custody

Me and my wife are both working here in the UAE. I married her about a year ago and we have a ten months old baby. The baby was born in the Philippines and was left in my wife's parents custody. Now six months later after the baby was born, I went there for my annual vacation. To my surprise, I was shocked to find out about the condition of our baby. He was so thin, looked pale and unhealthy. I could barely carry him in my arms the first time I saw him, asking myself what have I done wrong. The baby doesn't deserve that. So I took the baby and brought him to our house (with my parents). I took care of him for the entire duration of my stay. I fed him, play with him, put him to bed, gave him a bath. I told my wife about the condition of our baby. Afterwards, I consulted her and told her that it would be for the best interest of our child to put him under my parent's custody. Unfortunately she refused my idea. So being a democratic person, I returned the baby to her parents. Then when I came back to UAE, I spoke to her and tried my best in convincing her about my original idea. But non of my reasonings worked for her. She decided to leave our house. When her parents found out about our situation, I got a call from my mother in law. She told me that I won't be able to get my son and that they have already consulted a lawyer. I spoke to my wife and told her what her mother said to me. I told her, when I go on another vacation, I wish I could take care of my son again. To my disappointment, she said I could visit the child but they won't let me take him.

Up to now while me and my family are thinking about what would be our next move, I keep on asking my self. What have I done wrong to deserve something like this. I got my wife pregnant before we got married but didn't think twice of marrying her. Before we told her parents about it, I had everything ironed out already. All her father needed was to sign the papers and accompany us to the wedding venue. I paid for all her hospital bills and was sending support for the child every month (20,000 php). That's more than enough since when I took care of the baby for one month, my expenses were just about half of that. I'm just new to married life and I couldn't help but ask this question. Is this how it really works? If the wife disagrees with your decision for your child, she could just walk away and deprive you of any parental authority over your child?

one of my favorite sayings to my clients is that it is one thing to have a right, but it is an entirely different matter to enforce it.

you and your wife have joint parental authority over your child. in the absence of one, parental authority may be exercised by the other.
grandparents do not have parental authority and between the grandparent and the parent, clearly the parent has the greater right.

you may validly consent that the grandparents take temporary custody of the child, but parental authority is not transferred to them.

that said, what is the ending that you are looking for? simple visitation rights that the child be given to you at times that you are in the Philippines? or you want full custody?

in the face of their refusal to even let you visit the child, you will have to take action to compel them.

let me guess, the grandmother is invoking the tender years doctrine, that no child below 8 years old will be separated from the mother? the grandmother is not the mother, so she has no right to invoke that. only your wife can, and she cannot be substituted by the grandmother.

you want visitation rights, and they refuse, you will have to take legal action to enforce your right.

you want full custody, then you have quit your job and be here. if they refuse, again you will have to take legal action.

you will win against the grandparents, but if your wife decides to come back and take full-time custody, it is unlikely you will win against her.

you may consider non-legal tactics first.

1) P20,000 monthly for a baby is a huge amount. give part of it to someone you trust and start giving support in the form of goods (diapers, milk).

2) start a petty cash system. the grandparents will have a revolving fund of P5,000 in petty cash for the child and they can only replenish it with receipts for purchases for the child.

3) woo back your wife.

Do not withhold support. to do so is considered a crime of economic violence. make sure your actions are documented.

My ultimate goal is actually to bring the baby here in the UAE under my full custody, away from my evil in-laws. My wife became stubborn because of them. Once the baby is here, I will have more authority since, he will be under my sponsorship. Here, I can get him a nanny, feed him well, send him to a good school when he grows up, and give him a good life. I'm not planning on keeping him from my stubborn wife though. She has chosen to stay in a different house, and live her own life and that is fine with me. I just don't want her solely making decisions about the upbringing of our child and claim that she's the only one who knows what's best for the child. I just really want to prove my point to her and teach her a little lesson.

I have done some research and found out that in order for her to exercise the sole parental authority, she needs to apply for a petition for termination of my parental authority, and since we are both absent (working abroad), she would then have to file for substitute parental authority of her parents (since my parents could also be substitutes).

Is my ultimate plan of bringing the baby here going to work? What are the chances that she could stop me from bringing my son with me? I checked the requirements for obtaining a passport from the DFA and learned that if it's either of the parents who is traveling with the minor, then DSWD clearance or even the physical presence of the mother is not required.

Referring to the two scenarios you've stated, first, quitting my job is not an option for me.
In fact I also suggested the second scenario to my wife before. She could quit her job (her salary is just about 20% of mine) and go home to take care of our baby, and of course with my full support. But I knew her rights, I can't just force her to quit her job. And being a stubborn wife that she is, she also refused that idea.

what about her, does she want to bring your child there? if yes, then just have her go home and bring the kid there. at least they'll be both be close and your next problem will be just to how to get get your family together again, or enter into a shared parenting agreement.

if not, then you will have to fight the grandparents and ultimately you will have to file a case of custody against them. if your wife comes back also to contest you, then she will likely win. if your wife doesn't then you should win against the grandparents. note also that a decision of custody is not permanent. if circumstances change then the decision may also change.

absent doesn't just mean you are not physically there such as in the case of an OFW. absent means that you've completely disappeared and implies abandonment.

sir my sister is a teacher here in the philippines that need to report on duty after the 2 months maternity leave but since she got birth she can't leave her baby because no one will take care of her baby, she and her husband is living in her husbands parents. Her husband doesn't have work and supported only by his own parents which having a support from his grandparents in abroad. My sister asked my mom's help for her to go back to her profession in school, so we took my sister and nephew with my brother-in-law's consent that while my sister is preparing the papers need for her to go back to work or to resign, she and my nephew need to stay with us. To cut the story she was accepted again in work and her husband doesn't want to live with us neither rent a house near my sister school, so they separated. Now my brother-in-law is seeking a custody for my nephew is it posible that he will be granted even without regular work?? what if he tell the court that his family/relative will help him?? he and his relative is giving my sister a psychological warfare threatening my sister that they will file a case for child custody..what are the legal matters that we can do about it..Godbless and thank you
fe

husband vs. wife, wife will win. husband vs. you, husband will win. if wife wants to maintain custody, she has to take care of her baby herself and not through you in another place. the husband is a parent and will surely win against the aunt for custody.

is it applicable even if the mom is living with us and the baby?? when she goes to work the baby is with my mom not me since i am working. my mom take care of the child while my sister is in the school for work then after work she will take care of the child..
thank you
fe

if the mother is living with you, then the case should be filed against the mother and she should win. all she has to do is invoke the tender years doctrine that no child below 8 should be removed from the mother and she is not an unfit mother.

i advise that you do not let the father "borrow" the baby unless there is a written visitation agreement. otherwise, he may suddenly not give the baby back.